Friday, February 8, 2008

No Yawning Allowed

At work, I sit near a very prim woman in her 50’s. She hardly ever wears slacks, and I don’t think I have ever seen her wear blue jeans. Her outfits are always beyond coordinated, like June Cleaver, and she never eats sugary things. While she snacks on her baby carrots, she looks at me as if I’m the devil because I’m eating some cookies.

Sometimes when my migraines are bad, I get these very painful yawns. It’s hard to describe them, but when I yawn, it is very intense, and the pain shoots up through the top my head. I would have to say 99.9 percent of the time I cover my mouth when I yawn, but the other day one slipped out sans hand.

“If I had ever yawned like that with my mouth uncovered, my mother would have slapped me silly,” she harshly chastised me.

I froze. I was so shocked by how she said it, like a stern nun with a ruler in a catholic school, ready to crack you on the hand. Glancing over at her appalled expression, I realized I didn’t even want to share with her how my migraines give me these painful yawns and how one had accidentally slipped out.

What I really wanted to say was “Calm down, Mrs. Cleaver. It’s not as if I farted or belched or swore like a drunken sailor.”

Then I yawned again. This time, I automatically covered my mouth like a good little girl, and June Cleaver looked happy, as if she had made her point. Darn it.


deborah said...

It's time to start planting little chocolate kisses on June's desk. Just for fun to see if the b*tch takes the bait. Leave it when she's not looking, naturally, then see if she eats it. Drop one every few days. A Dove dark Promise, Hershey Hugs, little things to slowly get her hooked. Work her up to a daily dosage, then gradually upward of 3-4 times per day, so she's totally addicted. Make sure she has NO idea, or anyone else, where their coming from. Once she's completely addicted. STOP. Watch her go into withdrawal. then, at the same time, change up the coffe to decaf for the same week at the office and watch them ALL fall down!

Yes, I'm the dark side today. She made me mad. Oh, you're welcome.

rachel said...

i yawn constantly when i have migraines. i can't even get through a sentence! but they don't hurt. what IS painful is my migraine sneeze! towards the end of my migraine (and how i can tell i'm turning the corner toward pain free-ness) i sneeze several times in a row. ugh- they HURT!

maybe i'll stop coverng my mouth...

Mozena Greezin said...

I would say, chill the fuck out, bitch.

Tallis said...

I totally would have yawned again and not covered my mouth

Xavier said...

Yawns are often a reaction to a tension in the jaw muscles.

If you are noticing that you have the urge to yawn during a migraine and that it's painful, you should pay attention to those muscles, they are probably part of your prodrome (warning signs a migraine is coming). Some people get stiff necks, you probably get a stiff jaw. Noticing this can help you head them off.

Darren said...

My mom suffer from migraine also, I know exactly where you come from with all your suffering, not as severe as you, but close enough.

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